Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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