I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
4 words: hood of his car
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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