My first STD was from a foam party
so explain again why im purple
no
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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