on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize