no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
