I am puke
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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