No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
