She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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