you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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