Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
