i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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