I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
