All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
