So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
