I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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