Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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