New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
