Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
