He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
