If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
