So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
