so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
