Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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