Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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