if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
