he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize