Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
