Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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