I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
