I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
