just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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