i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
