just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
