How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
