the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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