so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
