dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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