dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
