my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
