after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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