Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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