I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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