i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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