My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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