i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
