Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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