literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
