i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
