I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
how does that bad decision feel?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
