He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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