just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
