we're blogging at a bar
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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