im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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