All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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