i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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