This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
