I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
