3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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