Cold hands, warm shart.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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