My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize