Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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