idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
