did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
