The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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