Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
