She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
