I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think I sprained my soul last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
